Embracing Civility

The REAL Healthcare Reform!

Tag: respect

Hating Your Job? Are You the Workplace Grouch?

“So, how was your day?” is a question you may be asked, well, every day. Do you answer honestly? Do you gloss over the stressful moments and face-palms? Or do you answer by focusing almost entirely on them? Maybe you just respond with something like “It’s good, now that it’s over.”

The vast majority of workers are not satisfied with their jobs. This is not necessarily a matter of the grass being greener somewhere -anywhere- else. The overwhelming issue contributing to dissatisfaction is not usually compensation, job duties, career opportunities, or even hours worked.

Taken alone, devoid of all the aggravating accoutrements, you might actually enjoy the job you hold. After all, didn’t you seek out and actively pursue this position? Remember how great the first few days on the job felt? You probably felt proud of yourself for landing that first interview, then beating out the competition and telling all your family and friends about how the hiring manager loved your resume/work ethic/test score/shoes.

Well, what happened? Fast forward five years: you’ve been slogging it out for what seems like a lifetime and dread walking in the door every morning. You snatch glimpses of the clock at work and sigh when only a few minutes pass between glances. No amount of will or wishing makes it tick any faster.

In many cases you can blame it on the workload, low pay, lack of promotion potential, and weak coffee in the break-room. But do those things really make you loathe your job? Lots of people love their low paying jobs. Lots of people work hard in dead end jobs. Lots of people suffer weak coffee. I’m not sure that’s why the workforce is not satisfied.

But there’s another big one: what about your workplace environment? Your coworkers, your customers, your bosses. How do they make you feel? Do you look forward to seeing them every day? If you’re like most, you have a work friend or two, and most everyone else you can stand, at least for a while. But there’s always one or two unkind folks that just drag the whole place down. Or what about that spiteful customer that just loves to watch you squirm? Doesn’t that make you just want to throw whatever’s in your arms straight to the ground and stomp out for good?

I submit thus the reason why you hate your job. Negativity has struck, at least in your own head, but maybe even the entire workplace is infected with it (kind of like the stomach bug passed around at the last Christmas party).  Maybe (probably), you and everyone around you already know this. So, what’s the big deal? Isn’t everyone negative at work? That may seem to be a legitimate excuse. Everyone hates their job, so why shouldn’t I? Guess what? You are part of the problem!

funny_cartoon_new_year_resolutions_calvin_and_hobbes

Well, here’s your dose of antidote to the poison that ails you. Civility. Yes, civility. What is it? And should it matter in the slightest? Most people equate it to being polite and meek. Something expected of you as a child. But that is not really accurate- it is a mature and self-respecting state of being. Here are a few other things it isn’t: a desire to create a faux pleasant atmosphere at your own expense. Civility is not about letting aggressive people stand on your exposed soft parts.

A couple more things that it is: self-control, self-reflection, maturity, taking responsibility for yourself, managing your export. Export in this sense means the manner in which you present yourself, speak to others and non-verbally communicate. Imagine how much better you would feel if you controlled the environment around you, especially pertaining to those negative people that bring you down. They’ve turned you to the dark side! Get back on track by retaking the initiative and choosing your own path.

I don’t have a personally relatable anecdote for each and every person out there who needs to learn or become reacquainted with civility. But I have a guide for you, and a good one at that. It’s called Get the Grouch Out! How Embracing Civility Can Banish Bad Behaviors and Create a More Respectful and Productive Workplace.

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Here are some of the things you should be able to internalize and practice by reading this guidebook:

  • Learn to self-reflect and self-manage.
  • Focus on your integrity.
  • Recognize how you present yourself to others.
  • Control your negative moods.
  • Deal with difficult people.
  • Maintain professional relationships.
  • Communicate properly with a team.
  • Fix structural workplace problems from within.

As a whole, the guide will show you that to empower yourself with personal control is to be in a civil state of being. It shows that adhering to a method of personal control and owning your own path to happiness and success is a gift everyone can and should give to themselves right now. Go get it for yourself now on Kindle, and take your workplace back!

What change do you want to be a part of?

We were honored to be contacted this week by Tomas Spath and Cassandra Dahnke from The Institute for Civility in Government. Although our target audience is different (politicians for them, healthcare for us), our platform is the same. Our common goal: Civility.

Those of you who have read our book, “The REAL Healthcare Reform” may already recognize The Institute for Civility in Government. They inspired our thoughts about civility with their “definition.” They were, and continue to be a great inspiration to us!

If you are not already aware of their work, philosophy and goals, please see the Editorial Letter re-printed below. If you have an interest in restoring civility to public and political discourse, please contact The Institute and find out how you can begin to make a difference in your own community.

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An Editorial Letter from
Tomas Spath and Cassandra Dahnke
The Institute for Civility in Government.

Things change.  That’s what they say.  And indeed they do.  Technology changes.  Norms change.  Culture changes.  Laws change over time.  Some of the change is good, and some – not so much.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.   That’s what they say.  Some people lead.  Others follow.  Everyone is in it for themselves.  Greed abounds.  Corruption is real.  The world is always at war somewhere.  People are essentially kind.

Which truth is true?  Both?  Neither?  One or the other?  One more than the other?  The way you answer those questions says a lot about the way you approach life.

If you believe that the more things change, the more they stay the same, you probably don’t have much incentive to get involved in a whole lot beyond your personal space.  Why bother?  It’s not going to make a difference anyway.

If you believe things change, you may say that civility is old fashioned and has lost its place as a priority.  You may believe civility is quaint, weak – a social “nicety” with no real purpose.  The world has moved on.

Or, if you believe things change, you may want to roll up your sleeves and do something to counteract the growing polarization in this country.  You may want to help restore civility to our communities and nation.  You may want to (gasp!) get involved and make a difference!

We decided to do just that when we became aware that in this country we, as a society, lack the basic skills and will to maintain civility with one another even in the midst of disagreement.  It isn’t that we immediately get ugly and hateful and angry (although we do that with alarming frequency).  But as often as not, once we discover we fundamentally disagree with someone else we shut down, conversation stops, and we walk away – never to relate on anything more than a superficial level again, if that.

So we launched the Institute for Civility in Government – a grassroots, non-partisan, non-profit organization whose purpose is to teach civility skills and give voice to all those who long to shift the culture from one of polarization and antagonism to one of mutual respect and cooperative effort.  Yes – give voice to Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Independents – everyone!  The Institute doesn’t take a position on anyone or any issue.  We just say we need to do this thing called governing – at any and all levels – better.  And the good news is we can!

We can give other people a chance to be heard without shouting them down, calling them names, or tuning them out.  We can express our own viewpoints from the strength of our own position rather than by the weaknesses of someone else’s.  We can operate on the trust that most of us truly want the best for our city, state and country, even if we don’t always agree on what the best is.  We can model the behavior we teach our children – to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

What is civility?  We define civility as “claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process.”  It’s not about giving in just to get along, but claiming our own beliefs even as we respectfully allow others to claim theirs.  That doesn’t sound so very difficult, does it?  And yet it seems to elude us.

What is at stake?  What difference does it make if we yell and scream and call other people names?  Well, for one thing – words are formative.  Disagreeing with someone can easily slide into disliking them.  Disliking them can easily slide into demonizing them.  Demonizing them can easily slide into victimizing them.  It’s a slippery slope that the human community has traveled down too many times already, and it’s time to stop.  It’s time to hold to a standard of civility – not because it is the law, but because it is the national will.

While it is unfortunate that we have reached a time and place where we must organize for civility, we evidently have.  Yet the good news is that as more and more people give voice to their support for civility, it will become politically expedient for our elected officials to model the behavior we expect.

If we cannot listen and speak with one another with respect, there is little else we can accomplish together.  And if we don’t practice civility everywhere, the day may soon come when we cannot find civility anywhere.

Change doesn’t happen by itself.  People make it happen – for better or for worse.  What change do you want to be a part of?

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Please visit www.instituteforcivility.org for
more inforation about this great organization!

Taking a Closer Look at Civility

It’s day three of National “Win with Civility” Month…so it seems appropriate to look at three different definitions of civility. It’s a term that’s thrown around a lot these days, especially on this site! So what do we mean by our mantra of “embrace civility”?

If you check Webster’s dictionary, you’ll see civility defined as “courtesy; politeness; kind attention; good breeding; a polite act or expression.”  The synonyms listed include “formality” and “courtesy.” While we agree that politeness and courtesy serve as a good foundation for civility, for us, this definition doesn’t paint the entire picture.

How about Wikipedia? A bit of research unveiled their definition: “stated simply, people should always treat each other with consideration and respect.” Now we’re getting somewhere. While being polite—such as saying “please” and “thank you” to co-workers—adds to the civility of a workplace environment, its “beauty” is only skin deep. On the other hand, respect and consideration demand a deeper connection with the people around us. Respect requires us to observe the behavior of others and develop feelings of deep admiration for their abilities, qualities or achievements. And being considerate of our co-workers means we give careful thought and concern to our interactions with them.

For our third look at civility, we turn to the National Civility Center. They define civility as “a variation of the ‘Golden Rule.’ It is being kind, courteous, polite, and avoiding overt rudeness. In community improvement, it relates to higher-minded and self-sacrificing behavior. Civility is the ‘how’ when it comes to building relationships.”

We love that last line. We believe that civility is indeed the best way to build any relationship–whether it is with a family member, a friend, a patient or a co-worker. When civility is the “norm,” the atmosphere at work energizes and inspires those who are in it. Healthcare workers who embrace civility are less likely to quit or “job hop” and are less likely to burn out, bully or “eat their young!” Why? Because they are building relationships built on courtesy, respect, consideration and the Golden Rule. And that is a win-win situation for everyone—during “Win with Civility” Month and all year long!

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